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Frequently Asked Questions

Plus Some Answers!

Q: Can I video or photograph the GCBEC?
A: You could try, but you would fail.
    Only a dumbass would tempt the Skynrd Enforcers™ to rip them a new asshole...
    Deliverance style.

Q: Can a single male attend the GCBEC?
A: Not unless you bring your inflatable girlfriend and intend to eat her for our edutainment.
    Including the wrapper.

Q: Is there an entrance fee?
A: How much you got?
    This is a Burning Man event, ergo no charge. Naturally bribes, donations and sexual favours are always endorsed, encouraged and embraced.
    FYI the rumours are true: back stage passes are available to my casting couch.

Q: Do you supply the beavers?
A: Ya, right! I'm not your pimp.
    BYODB. Bring your own dam beaver. And don't forget your dam beaver dental dams.

Q: Can I bring more than one beaver?
A: Yes. True Canadian form dictates that more is always better.

Q: What if the beaver is shaved?
A: Bald beavers are just as welcome as shaggy beavers. Just hose them all down first.
    No dead beavers that haven't first visited a taxidermist please.

Q: Is there an age limit?
A: The drinking age in most of Canada: 19 (Quebec: 18). Drivers licence: 16.
    However, that doesn't really apply to beaver eating.
    I think that even really old people should be allowed and even encouraged to eat beaver.
    Regardless, you should cum - with ID proof of age, in case the fuzz decides to bear down on us (no not that fuzz).

Q: Can I bring a moose instead of a beaver?
A: This is a beaver eating contest! A great Canadian one at that!
    But hey, if you can get a moose to the playa and keep it under control then, heck, why not eh.

Q: What are your views regarding the legalities of public sex and drugs?
A: It is your body and it is your business.
    However, to my knowledge, at Burning Man the law may bust any public display of sex or drugs. This means any camp that is inviting or visible (or smellable) to the public from the street is fair game to be busted. (Hear no evil, see no evil, smell no evil.) Butt.
    The GCBEC is a privates event.
    What we do in private is our own affair. Of course I make no guarantees for anything in this life.

Q: Can I bribe the judges now?
A: Anytime anyplace.

Q: Is the contest fixed? Who wins?
A: It was never broke. We all win!!!

Email dumbass questions here for self important mocking answers.

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