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A Weekly Commentary By CBS News Correspondent

= Andy Rooney =

If I Were Bush's Speechwriter...

November 2, 2003

Years ago, I was asked to write a speech for President Nixon. I didn't do that, but I wish President Bush would ask me to write a speech for him now.

Here's what I'd write if he asked me to - which is unlikely:
My fellow Americans - (the word "fellow" includes women in political speeches):

My fellow Americans. One of the reasons we invaded Iraq was because I suggested Saddam Hussein had something to do with the terrorist attack on the World Trade Center. No evidence that's so, I wish I hadn't said it.

I said we were going to get Saddam Hussein. To be honest, we don't know whether we got him or not. Probably not.

I said we'd get Osama bin Laden and wipe out al Qaeda. We haven't been able to do that, either. I'm as disappointed as you are.

I probably shouldn't have said Iraq had nuclear weapons. Our guys and the U.N. have looked under every bed in Iraq and can't find one.

In one speech, I told you Saddam Hussein tried to buy the makings of nuclear bombs from Africa. That was a mistake and I wish I hadn't said that. I get bad information sometimes just like you do.

On May 1, I declared major combat was over and gave you the impression the war was over. I shouldn't have declared that. Since then, 215 American soldiers have been killed in Iraq. As the person who sent them there, how terrible do you think that makes me feel?

I promised to leave no child behind when it comes to education. Then I asked for an additional $87 billion for Iraq. It has to come from somewhere. I hope the kids aren't going to have to pay for it - now in school or later when they're your age.

When I landed on the deck of the carrier, I wish they hadn't put up the sign saying MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. It isn't accomplished.
Maybe it should have been MISSION IMPOSSIBLE.

I've made some mistakes and I regret it. Let me just read you excerpts from something my father wrote five years ago in his book, "A World Transformed."
I firmly believed we should not march into Baghdad ...To occupy Iraq would instantly shatter our coalition, turning the whole Arab world against us and make a broken tyrant, into a latter-day Arab hero [This is my father writing this.] ...assigning young soldiers to a fruitless hunt for a securely entrenched dictator and condemning them to fight in what would be an unwinnable urban guerrilla war.
We should all take our father's advice.

That's the speech I'd write for President Bush. No charge.

Written By Andy Rooney © MMIII, CBS Broadcasting Inc. All Rights Reserved.
A weekly commentary by CBS News Correspondent Andy Rooney.

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Andy Rooney's Response

November 9, 2003

Last week, just for fun, I wrote a speech I said I'd like to have President Bush give. I hoped it was both amusing and true, but a lot of people didn't think it was either. There were angry letters and angry phone calls. Some of them were never going to watch 60 Minutes again.

"I'll never watch 60 Minutes again," said one caller. "I do a national radio show and I'm going to make sure everyone knows my opinion."

"Andy, apologize next week or you'll never hear from me again. That is ---- what you did to this country tonight," said another viewer. "Don't do it again...OK. Please knock this ----- off, OK? Be an American."

Fortunately for my ego, there were also a lot of calls and letters saying it was the best thing I ever did. One viewer called it "a classic piece." Another said: "It was brief, it's short and it was the best thing I've ever seen him do."

I don't know whether you think I'm a liberal or a conservative, a Republican or a Democrat. Whatever you think, you're probably wrong. I tend to be more liberal than conservative, but don't count on it. I'm not middle-of-the-road. I'm all over the road.

I wish Americans weren't so viciously biased, though. We're all so nasty talking politics. If people disagree with the president, why do they have to hate him?

George W. Bush is not an evil person. I don't think he's the smartest president we ever had, but I doubt if he thinks he is either. He's doing what he thinks is right even if a lot of people think he's wrong.

I actually know Democrats who felt terrible last week because the good news about the economy made President Bush look good. And there are people taking satisfaction from the terrible news out of Iraq because that makes Bush look bad.

One of the best things about our democracy has always been that when we elect someone, that's it. The losers accept the results. We just barely elected George W. Bush, but whether we voted for him or not, we accept him as our president. If people are really patriotic Americans and Democrats -- they bitch and complain but he's their president. They're more Americans than they are Democrats.

That's what was wrong with the election recall in California. Gray Davis was a lousy governor and Arnold Schwarzenegger seems surprisingly good, but the people elected Davis and should have stuck with him.

I'd like to conclude my remarks tonight by saying something to those of you who said you'd never watch 60 Minutes again.
Thanks for watching.

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