= Jason 'Sunshine' Carswell's Navel Gazing Blog =

Here is a collection of my notes, musings, poems and thoughts jotted in my PDAs over the years presented here in web log form. Were the content good enough each idea would deserve it's own page, but for easy navigation and less work I present it on one page per year for now.

In my musings there seems to be much ado about nothing, navel gazing, wistful wishing and searching for purpose. Nothing is so deep as these dippy little dips and despondencies. I guess I don't pick up my pen (or keyboard) often enough when I am blissed. Just as this website is not my entire essence, so too, this collection is hardly representative of my existence and yet I won't deny that I am always wondering about the meaning of my life and if I'll ever find someone special and lasting to share it (for some reason, perhaps human nature, this seems to be a theme). Maybe in the future I'll pontificate lighter more humorous brain dumps.

Eventually I'll amuse myself, and perhaps someone out there, by posting my older ideas from the last millenium, assuming someone is actually interested enough to read them.

I hope it brings you some enjoyment and perhaps a better insight into my contradiction.

~ Jason Carswell

I Hope • 2002-01-01
Make It Good • 2002-01-31
Slightly • 2002-02-07
My Book • Spring 2002
Poster Caption • 2002-07-13
Intense BM 2002 Haiku • 2002
Environmental Poem • 2002
Sunshine Mantra • 2002-10-13
Lucid Haiku • 2002-12-02
Bus Dream Haiku • 2002-12-10
Drunken Start • 2002-12-11
Cheese • 2002-12-13
Thought Bytes 2002 • Through 2002

Top  

I Hope
2002-01-01

Here I wonder if we'll ever meet
There we make our way through life

I always will be singular
But with you I'll be more and spectacular

Your beauty, your mind, your essence
Fill me with longing to be worthy

Want my beauty, mind and essence
Inspire my muse, nobility and dedication

Our passion will be self sufficient and exponential
We'll merge our bodies together because we'll want no other way

I hope for you



Make It Good
2002-01-31

I feel distracted by infinite distractions and possibilities of wonders. I feel passionate about many things but lack focus long enough to complete only a few. Of all the things in life I am most confident of my vision. One of my few solaces. Unfortunately there just isn't enough time to get my visions realized. Partly because I obsess about the details and perfecting it, and partly because I have so many ideas. Or there is simply no money in them. You need money to make money. If I could just settle on a few good ideas and not be distracted then maybe, even though I don't have the mass production capabilities really necessary for success, perhaps I could make it good.



Slightly
2002-02-07

Tonight I met the perfect girl.
Again.
At some friends' Southern Pork themed dinner party.
I didn't catch her name.

She was almost flawless.
She had a voice that didn't match how she looked. Slightly.
In fact, by the end of the night I wanted to hear her laugh.
Unfortunately I was, as usual, too shy.

(And she, as I later found out, as usual, was taken.)



My Book
Spring 2002

This is my book.
I hope you like it.
Or give it to someone who will.
Feel free to edit by ripping out the pages you don't like in order to make the book even better for you.
(Give those pages away or recycle them.)



Poster Caption
2002-07-13



Intense BM 2002 Haiku
I remember once...
this one time at Burning Man...
and we were in tents...



Environmental Poem
2002

man king us truth?
( mankind fungus tree earth )
Soon
Is soon enough?



Sunshine Mantra
2002-10-13

-be kind
-be generous
-be gentle while strong
-maintain optimism
-be satisfied
-be happy along the way
-don't sweat the petty things
  (pet the sweaty things)
-be holy and horny at the same time
-know peer/media pressure
-be aware and communicate well
-be tolerant if not accepting
-be confident in logical reason
-be an example
-be enthusiastic
-pace yourself
-be balanced
-enjoy the little things
-dream the big things
-do your best, even under the circumstances
-do it with style



Lucid Haiku
2002-12-02

Still winter's cold night
Dreams to find perfect romance
Caught a streetcar home



Bus Dream Haiku
2002-12-10

Uptown to midtown
DJ Bus Driver jams our ride
Bliss dream tears arrive



Drunken Start
2002-12-11

So I sat there and I wrote and wrote and wrote and there were pages and pages of material that I had to edit and re-edit to a satisfactory state in order to offer what I had to offer. (I have a lot to offer, so I've been told.) So here I am speaking from the past where I have yet to write it all down and make this fiction a fact.

Sew buttons on ice cream (my ex-wife used to say; though I don't know why).

So let's start with the aspect of lots of attitude and little gratitude. (Forgive me please if it is me you perceive in that sentence.)

[ So that's all I wrote, one drunken evening's attempt to be a literary genius. ]



Cheese
2002-12-13

Why I can't inspire her to laugh at the wind, she turned to me as if to ask, "Growing old wastes innocence away, needing it as if it ever meant anything. Commodified youth beauty is an overrated myth. Deluded we all mourn more than we anticipate. Attachment is only a doily of evolution."

Instead she said, "Pass the cheese please."

Neemur neemur.



Thought Bytes
Through 2002

Sweet anticipation, the action is in the reaction.

Optimism is my best friend.

A smitten monkey after your heart

My hopes get tossed about in the wind of life.

It's hard to make a move when you're paralyzed by perceived poverty and caught by hope.

The garish abyss

Image: blood writing 'I love you [with happy face]'

Image: blood writing 'Don't get caught'

Top