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Romancing The Future
2005-01-09
Happy Gnu Year!
Does anyone actually read this stuff?
I feel like I'm writing an entry into an Orwellian '1984' type diary considering the state of the world. (Only in the last couple years of my propaganda blurred life have I started to wake up and realize that the communist 'enemy' is really no worse than us. Communism is in theory great, but as they prove along with us is that absolute power corrupts absolutely. In fact, the American government, distinctly separate from its people, is far worse and their propaganda far more effective than communists or Nazis fooling their people. But I rant.)
It always seems to freak me out (though less and less each time) when someone refers to something on this website. I try to present it nicely for the world to see or ignore, but it surprises me when real people actually bother to read it, or parts of it's ever evolving content.
Why do I bother?
I suppose I work out some things, learn, grow, evolve, and enjoy the process. Maybe my voice might actually contribute to the shape of human destiny and life on Earth, even though I know it's just a little ripple in the ocean of time. Perhaps future generations will look back and put my name next to Chomsky, Ghandi, Beethoven, DaVinci. Comically doubtful, if I can see my own countless flaws then I'm quite sure everyone else can too. But maybe in the vast future they will see my thoughts of this life and times, unique in ways, similar to some in ways, not similar to others (George W Bush). Still, in ways I can't even imagine, here and now, while I am still kicking and this heart keeps ticking I am making my Mark Jason Carswell for all time, that infinite before and after my existence.
Who knows, maybe a future closer than eternity holds a special lady for me that I might have a non-virtual progeny with. Then I'd have another kind of future legacy to occupy my energies.
Maybe I'm just fooling myself. But, like life, it's nice while it lasts.
Save The Whales
2005-01-12
Please help save tsunami victims on the brink of extinction.
Please help save Afghani victims on the brink of extinction.
Please help save poor starving people on the brink of extinction.
Please help save animals on the brink of extinction.
Please help save what left of a good environment on the brink of extinction.
Please help save the bloated whales of American consumers from their own ignorance, their brutal hegemonic government, and of course, their hapless consumerism.
Please help save the world from the tyranny of pillaging by elite American-based greedy corporations.
More Moore
2005-02-09
Michael Moore may be large, loud, and, well, American, but that still does not negate what he is trying to say, even if his opinion differs from mainstream media.
Hollywood & Terror
2005-02-13
If marines and fighter bombers are heroic, pirates are romantic, Indian killing cowboys are ruggedly sexy, and Mafia dons are dapper, then why aren't terrorists appealing as well? Terrorists generally have more legitimate reasons to create resistance that is ultimately less severe than what they have to first endure. Things are changing as people become aware. Historical glory had been written only by the victors. One day someone will make a film to glorify the most extreme of the resisting victims of repressive regimes. Their stories lost and won, are true lessons of compassion forgotten by capitalist and exploitive cultures.
Excruciating Potential
2005-03-10
When you have excruciating potential and the outrageous fortune of not knowing how to maximize utilization of it to truly represent yourself, what then?
Film Reviews
2005-03-12
I just watched two movies I'd been wanting to watch for a long time.
Sunshine (1999)
I had been avoiding my namesake for a while now since I heard this movie was depressing. I didn't think it was anymore depressing than any other period movie. Essentially it was like Dr. Zhivago over several generations of a Hungarian family. It was good but not exceptional and not one I'll keep in my library for any reason. The reason I comment on it is because the family is Jewish and typically is persecuted through WWII which is of course a tragedy. I also think it is a tragedy that there aren't movies about the Palestinians that are being persecuted by a Jewish state, or more movies about other atrocities (besides Ararat, The Killing Fields, Hotel Rwanda) or the poor and uneducated and working class who's rights get trampled daily. I am not anti-Semitic or anti-American, but I am anti-unfairness. There is lop sided Jewish representation in the media, just as the media favour the rich, private and corporate interests.
The Grapes Of Wrath (1940)
One of my new favourite classic movies about Henry Fonda's character's farmer class family being forced moved off their own land and class struggles in America. A scene where a Caterpillar bulldozer plows a house reminds me of the Caterpillars that bulldoze Palestinian homes and the occasional activist. I will have to read the classic book since I'm sure that it's richer and more interesting than the dated filmmaking, acting and dialogue of the film. This is ripe for a remake, and yet that would be against George W Bush's best interest being almost identical to union busting Reagan.
Judge
2005-03-13
Who can judge a life? You can have an opinion, but ultimately only I can judge my life? After all, I have to live with myself (full of praises and criticisms).
Pessimistically looking back over my life I see a series of embarrassing moments, poor social interactions and failed ephemeral relationships.
You could say that had a car wreck claimed me young it would have been a tragedy to have lost my potential.
And to look at the car wreck of my life now and to see the misspent potential might seem a worse tragedy.
But with optimistic eyes I can also look back at all the rich experiences, precious shared moments and glorious bonds of friendships.
Is my life a dreary failure because I lead an artist's life of the selfish pursuit of self experience and self expression (how dare I think my voice matters or worthy?), taking everything without bringing forth children of my own to make the ultimate sacrifice of the enormous effort to raise them?
Or is my life a blazing success because I have escaped from traditional bonds, traps and woes of family, society and humanity to be more care free, independent and liberal than most men can dream?
I am not shackled in relationships I don't wish to be in, and yet I am lonesome at times. Like everyone, I was born alone, I live alone sharing a few experiences, and I will die alone. But I have lived freer than most. For that I am proud, grateful, and satisfied.
Complaints
2005-04-10
Do I complain about corporatism* and all it's consumerist evils too much? Well, you can register one at my complaint department. I admit it's on my mind more than complaining about earthquakes, growing old, or the weather. Those things I can't do much about, and maybe it's part of my puny human essense to be concerned about mere mortal matters, but I sincerely hope and believe that I can cause a few ripples to go the right way hopefully inspiring others to do the same. Just because corporatism is huge doesn't mean I can't do anything about it. If it's man-made it can be people-changed. FYI, down with the man!
(*Corporatism = corporate powered political facism)
"Correcting oneself is correcting the whole world.
The sun is simply bright. It does not correct anyone.
Because it shines, the whole world is full of light.
Transforming yourself is a means of giving light to the whole world."
- Ramana Maharshi
Kyoto For Canada
2005-04-14
Interestingly enough Canada announced the skewed official plan regarding Canadian environmental impact improvements in accordance with the Kyoto Accord.
If I have my figures correct, apparently the worst offenders create 50% of the pollution and are only required to cut back 13% while the rest of us are responsible to make up the difference. Instead of the One Tonne Challenge (http://www.climatechange.gc.ca/english/onetonne.asp) each Canadian would have to conserve 6 tonnes.
Deep Kind Eyes
2005-05-01
Deep kind eyes and a warm genuine smile
A piercing wit and yet gentle as a lamb
All keep me wondering all the while
If she knows what a dork I am.
Broken
2005-05-02
I'm not sure how it happened.
I returned from a nice visit with Lena in Seattle via Burning Man, Vancouver, and Calgary as a hopeful and optimistic man in pursuit of his dreams. Gradually the dreams proved to be farther out of reach than anticipated. Meanwhile I'd been chasing a series of promising work dead ends and simultaneously I became ever more distracted by delving behind the propaganda curtains to discover tuths of our corrupt, exploitive, greed based society. By practiced habit, I put my heart on hold until I landed another respectable job. My romantic self worth is dramatically increased by employment both in my own mind and what I imagine any worthy girl would expect (despite all my other good qualities).
Now on this train returning from Toronto where I might animate on the Disney feature produced by Core (a job I turned down 16 months ago to be in Manhattan again) while I plan my trip to San Francisco to potentially be creative director for a [legally unmentionable], a start up environmental educational toy company. Wonderful promising prospects but I still can't help but feel crappy.
Last week I met a wonderful girl at a party in Toronto. We instantly connected like lightning though far too brief. A week later she came to another party, again too breifly, where I felt terribly awkward and shy. After a week of hope and possibility and after a hug and a wish for friendship I can't help but dwell on my lack of confidence at the beginnings of relationships. Once over that hump I'm really quite good but I guess I'm just afraid my 'dynamic' personality will scare them away, and yet, that is an undeniable part of who I am. Of course most folks don't see the quiet me being creative, reading or geeking out.
This week resurfaced forgotten feelings that are what really bother me now. For seven months I've been in quiet denial and perpetually perplexed about my love for Lena. Neither she nor I are perfect, yet I feel that I am the only one who realizes the incredible potential, and therefore the only one to realize both of our terrible loss. I don't know what to do about this broken heart I've been foolishly living with for all this time. Sometimes I almost believe I can live satisfactorily without romantic love.
Waking from some dreams is a nightmare.
Longing Noted
2005-05-18
Visiting Adam, my brother, Sarah and Abby in Florida is great though I feel like I've missed out by not being a family man for my freedoms. It's been a year since Lena fell out of love and I can't help but wonder how much of it is my personality, how much is my unreality, how much is circumstance, and how much is the fact that I try to pick exciting rare ones on the edge.
Definition Of Semitic
2005-09-28
I stand educated. But only a little bit more. (Thanks for the info Lena.) A couple blogs back I used 'anti-semetic' in the contemporary, popular, propagandist, overly historically persecuted definition. I'm always gay to learn a little more about words ('gay' as in happy, as in 'the gay nineties', no, the 1890's).
Semitic is an adjective, which in common parlance refers specifically to Jewish things, especially in the negative form anti-Semitic, which is almost always used as a synonym for "anti-Jewish." However, the word is more properly used to refer to the cultures of people who have traditionally spoken Semitic languages, or to such ancient peoples themselves and their modern descendents. The Semitic languages are the Asiatic northeastern subfamily of the Afro-Asiatic languages. The word derives from Shem, one of the three sons of Noah.
Read more:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Semitic
Here I Am
2005-12-30
Trapped between dimensions I am a Renaissance man from the future, cloaked in Baroque acanthus splines, capital dentals, and radical pis of potential perfection and despondent decrepitude of deception, self inflicted, exquisitely delicious, redundantly repulsive, or otherwise. More certain than ever before, I still have to ask myself daily, "Who am I. What am I doing here? What do I want to be doing? Where? Ultimately meaning what to whome?" I hope to leave a small footprint and a smooth wave of good vibes to open minds. An Atlas with broken back I'll carry on until I can't, as this is the only Earth I'll ever know. I just hope she'll respect me in the mourning when I move on.
ThoughtBytes2005
Through 2005
intelligentlemaniac
So wicked, Sunshine is brilliantly good!
Wicked Sunshine blinds the blind with blazing anti-propaganda.
Wicked Sunshine blazing down upon private power, greed, and unfairness on Earth.
Wage Peace and spread Wicked Sunshine to illuminate about private power, greed, and unfairness on Earth.
Q: How twisted can one get?
A: necro-homo-pyro-beastial-pedi-triple-fisting-phile
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2000-2007 Jason 'Sunshine' Carswell.
